DOct0r's oRderS

Hope everybody had had a good weekend. It rained some of the days here in Kuantan for the last few days, but it still hot and humid. Feels like just staying in the car with the aircond running, that is the only place where you wont be sweating.

Just sharing some cool jokes from the mailbox... hehe...

Doctor's orders.

  1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . 'My wife's going to
  have her baby in the taxi'.  I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted   the lady's dress and  began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I  noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.

  Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.

 

  2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
  and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
  'Big breaths,'. I instructed.
  'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..
  Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath.

  3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
  husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
  minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of
  the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

  Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

  4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he
  was having trouble with one of his medications.
  'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
  'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
  now I'm running out of places to put it!'
  I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
  Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
  Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying
  a new one.
  Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.

  5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,

   'How long have you been bedridden?'
  After a look of complete confusion she answered .

   'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
  Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

  6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
  checking up on a man I asked,

  'So how was your breakfast this morning?'
  'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
  to the taste.'. . Bob replied.
  I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled
  'KY Jelly.'
  Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

  7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair
  styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
  wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
  patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate
  operation.

  When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
  noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
  a tattoo that read ... 'Keep off the grass'

  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
  patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
  Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London
  Dr. wouldn't submit his name.